Montag, 31. März 2008

Wie ich die Welt umsegelte... in einem ausgehöhlten Nilpferdfuß

Nachdem der Russe bereits vor einigen vielen Wochen ein Gastspiel in Herrn Kühns autokratisch geführtem Weblog gab und mit einer rhetorischen Meisterleistung an dessen sakrosankter Stellung rüttelte, möchte auch ich einmal den Schreiberling in mir erwecken und somit den Lesern Einblicke in die Gedankengänge eines Ex-Zivis und zukünftigen Europabesteigers ermöglichen:

Wie man den älteren Einträgen dieses Journals entnehmen kann, stieß ich erst später zu der Gruppe, bzw. wurde ich dazugestoßen. Eines schönen Abends im Herbst letzten Jahres fragte mich der Russe spontan, nach ein paar Bieren und einigen Runden wiederum ernüchternden Kartenspiels, ob ich denn nicht Lust hätte, an einer mehrmonatigen Fahrradtour quer durch Europa teilzunehmen, bei der um die 8000 Kilomter zurückgelegt werden müssten. Von den riesigen Zahlen geplättet (trotz Abitur habe ich noch nie etwas von Zahlen jenseits der 6420 gehört... Achttausend! Eine Zahl so groß, dass nicht einmal Jebus selbst soweit zählen könnte.) sagte ich zu, ohne mir auch nur im Geringsten bewusst zu sein, worauf ich mich da einließ. Das Vorhaben wurde zu Hause von meinen Eltern zunächst mit einiger (berechtigter) Skepsis zur Kenntnis genommen. Nachdem dann neben einem Fahhrad noch diverse andere praktische und überlebenswichtige Utensilien käuflich erworben, bzw. aus dunklen Kellern und ewig unbelüfteten Rumpelkammern geborgen wurden, nahmen die Planungen von Woche zu Woche immer konkretere Formen an. Großartige Trainingsrunden quer durch das Eichsfeld wurden in Erwägung gezogen, teilweise geplant und letztendlich nicht ausgeführt. So beschränkte sich das Training auf eine Strecke an den Ufern der Leine.

Und da rasten die Tage voller Zivildienst, rudimentärem Training und alkoholbedingten Ausfällen (nicht bei mir... sonst könnte ich wohl nicht davon berichten!), als ob ihnen jemand mit Feuerzeug und Haarspray den Arsch bearbeitet hätte. Aus Herbst wurde Januar und aus Januar wurde Heute: Kurz vor der möglicherweise glorreichen, aber auf jeden Fall prägenden Europabesteigung.

Mittlerweile haben die einzelnen Mitfahrer schon gefühlten 4,2 Millionen Menschen erklärt, was sie nach Bundeswehr/Zivildienst/Arschbreitsitzerei so vorhaben und die Reaktionen waren so unterschiedlich, wie die Nepalesischen Elefantenpolomannschaften bei Weltmeisterschaften erfolgreich sind. Von Ablehnung über Kopfschütteln bis hin zur Begeisterung für die Sache, sind sie (fast) alle von ein- und derselben Emotion motiviert: Neid!

Und eben weil fleißig die metaphorische Werbetrommel gerührt wurde, sind wir trotz physischer Abwesenheit, ähnlich wie 'Big Brother' (und wer damit nur diese ethisch fragwürdige Fernsehsendung assoziiert sei verdammt!), omnipräsent. Wir informieren in diesem Blog, in der TLZ (Gepriesen sei Kühn!) und auch in Ottis Zweitwohnsitz, dem Mimmo in Heiligenstadt, wird auf einer formidablen Quasi-Pinnwand regelmäßig über unser Treiben in den Abgründen der menschlichen Natur berichtet.


Soviel erstmal von mir!
Man riecht sich,

Keulus Maximus

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